Alara Reborn, Esper Broken; I BioSuck; Desert Dancing

There are a lot of things I'm ashamed of, but it's nothing like my fetish for BDSM. I mean, how terrible is it anyway? No, the things that are embarrass me are my inability to remove myself from any conversation that's political, musical and Magic.

I played years ago, but recently picked it back up only to remember why I put it down. The art is infinitely better this time around (goodbye apes, gorillas and... apes), and I'm not just saying that to be flattering. When Ashley Wood decides to contribute to anything, I'm almost always on board. Anyway, Conflux is officially out of print, a set that seemed pretty underwhelming in contrast to Shards of Alara. Maybe it's just me, but outside of a few cards that I just cannot live without, another Matca Rioters or Canyon Minotaurs and I probably would've burned my stash (that's a lie). However, I didn't think that Esper, the deck full of artefact creatures, could get anymore broken.

Oh wow, was I wrong. Bant was pretty bad, but Esper was what you wanted to play when you didn't mind being the absolute cock of the table. These days, it feels almost like an unnecessary slaughter. Bant got worse, sure, but Esper has nasty combos that don't take an absolute genius or maverick to play (or pull off).

Here is a list of how to rule the table:


Master Transmuter. Got an Inkwell Leviathan that you want to get out before turn nine? How about a 7/11 with shroud, trample and islandwalk on turn four?

But, you don't have an Inkwell Leviathan, you say. This strategy would take too long to get your health-sap team of Sludge Striders and Parasitic Strixes out, you say. That's all fine, because you've got that taken care of.


Sure, you've still got x Ultimatums and Path to Exiles to worry about, but the idea is simple. Don't worry about the mana cost, pay a blue and tap Master Transmuter whenever to nullify any damage done during any turn.

Then, you'd say, your opponent will eventually get something to pull your Master Transmuter out of play, won't they?

Will they? Why should they? That's where Architects of Will comes in.


Don't ever let him get that Path to Exile or Martial Coup. Pull out Architects of Will with your Master Transmuter and put him back in the next chance you get. Make sure that Banefire is constantly three cards away from where they need it to be: in their hands.

That's not even the full extent of things, though. Arsenal Threshers with Doubling Season? Potential 16/16 for very little? Whew.

Anyway, time to move things on from a less nerdy note (I guess?). I've been on a personal campaign recently, a campaign to finish all the games I started but was always too much of a lazy douchebag to pull off. First on my list? BioShock.

I was kind of dreading it immediately, the last few times I remember playing it weren't pleasant to say the list. It felt like one of those mental blocks where you know you should be better, you just aren't. So, I accepted that I was terrible at this game and just decided to soldier on. I'm at Point Prometheus and things are just getting too unbearably tough. I'm to the point where I berserk my way out of the Vita-chambers and charge at whatever I can with a wrench (I was out of ammo constantly) to take off just a few more hit-points until I inevitably die.

Then, I strong-arm my way to the final boss and it's just too tough. After four hours of frustration, I cut it off and check the manual. There had to be something I was missing. Let's see hear, combat, plasmids, Adam...

Oh.

Oh.

I'm retarded. I hadn't retrieved any Adam from any of these children, save for the first. Humanity managed to attach themselves to a spine, walk upright, turn doorknobs and figure out how to deliver me tits at a decent enough 5 mbps connection. Yet still, some of us have too much of a problem reading sometimes.

Sigh. So, I manage to blow my way through the game in a day and do things the right way. Surely enough, I don't feel any less... non-simian for such an amazingly dull mistake, but at least I managed to put a game I should've beaten ages ago behind me. It's even worse when you think about it, considering it's one of the few FPS' that have such a well-written story, and... hell. It's pretty much not even a first-person shooter. If the phrase "damage resistance" appears anywhere in a game, you know where things are likely to head. Though, I can't help but think the "moral decisions" the game boasted about were just a little bit over-stated. Mathematically, the difference either path makes is minuscule at best, and the endings aren't really drastically different. Think Fallout 3 and the "He was a good man," then the "He was a bad man." Either way, it was a phenomenal experience that left only a few things to nitpick (no rolling over game saves with weapons and plasmids?). BioShock 2 is now on my must-plays, though.

Hopefully I can keep the update train rolling. Next time, I'll be on board to discuss Endless Frontier and some other things I've been working on.